Funny quotes from Al Gore

“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97

“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93

“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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The Bathtub Test

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
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Church bulletin bloopers

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in Church Services……….

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
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If Microsoft Built Cars

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
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Christian Bulletin Bloopers

Ushers will eat latecomers. (seat)

She sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving much pleasure to the congregation.
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Funnies - August 2010

Blonde jokes…

(Note: I was a blonde growing up, so I was told every joke in the book. They’re still funny! No offense allowed, just laugh!)

Blonde Loses Keys

Two blondes were going to the mall. When they got out of the car, they started tossing the car keys back and forth. One of the blondes missed, and the keys flew into the sewer drainpipe.
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Parenting Ha-Ha’s

Pass out in shock

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

Someone dialed 911.
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Bob Hope on Life

ON TURNING 70
“You still chase women, but only downhill”.

ON TURNING 80
“That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.”
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Funnies - July 2010

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