Fruits and Nuts – August 2010

I am sitting at my computer. It’s 6:35 a.m. on May 18th, the thirtieth anniversary of the eruption of Mt. St. Helens. It’s a rainy Tuesday here in Silverlake. I’m writing to all my friends, family and to readers I’ve never met before, hoping to say something that will help all of you with your lives today.

My husband, Rick, was taken off life-support yesterday at Legacy Emmanuel in Portland. He is breathing on his own but he is still in fragile condition. I am not able to be with him physically at the moment, but my love never leaves him and I know the staff at Legacy is with him right now, and, of course, Jesus.

One thing I’ve learned through the past seven years of Rick’s recovery from a traumatic brain injury is that I can’t be with him 24/7, but that God CAN, and I must allow God to be Who He is and to do what only He can do! I have tried to provide Rick with the best possible care team we could find and to trust them to do their best to help him.

Rick has certainly put up a good fight, waiting patiently for God to heal him so that he could walk again. (Rick’s been using a wheel chair the past seven years.) I’ve been waiting (not as patiently) for the Lord to miraculously heal Rick so that he could TALK again. (I miss his quiet, gentle voice.) Rick has a little machine called an e-talk which we have programmed  with words and phrases so he can augment his communication mechanically, but the voice on the machine is not Rick’s real voice, and that’s what I miss!

Yet, even without his real voice, Rick has, on numerous occasions, beckoned me with his finger and comforted me with a hug or a pat on the hand. He has told me he loves me, not with his voice, but with sign language. He has done that OFTEN and meant it. And God has used Rick’s love to heal my heart from many wounds inflicted carelessly by others, but seldom by Rick, himself. He, knowing I was already hurting when he found me, has been most careful with me, taking good care of me when he was able, and staying away when he wasn’t able. His very presence signified HELP to me, because he was all about serving others, and me, especially, as my neediness “tops the charts” most days!

Rick was a service plumber as well as a commercial journeyman plumber for the local union. The books and books of records of service calls Rick made over his 20 year career as a plumber speak of the many times Rick would get up in the middle of the night to go take care of a plumbing emergency in some nearby town.
Rick never raised his rates in all the years we owned the plumbing business, and if little old ladies couldn’t pay, he’d accept cookies or whatever they offered him for his services. He voluntarily handed me every dime he ever earned whenever he worked, because I did the bookkeeping. He trusted me and THAT helped heal my heart too.

Before his accident, Rick did most of the cooking. His mom taught him how to cook at an early age and she and he would prepare venison steaks with “smashed potatoes and gravy” and lots of other tasty dishes.

Rick fed me, our children, our daycare kids and their parents as well as whichever friends might be visiting on any given day, cheerfully and dependably, for the first twenty years of our marriage.

The last seven years of our marriage, Rick’s been unable to do much physically, but he continues to “feed” me by his very presence, which comforts me, and by freely and unashamedly showing the full gamut of emotions as he watches his two favorite stations: the Hallmark channel and DIY (Do It Yourself). His freedom with emotions has freed me and many others to express ours. What a gift THAT has been to me, personally.

In recent years since his accident, Rick’s been willing to go to a nursing home from time to time so that I could go off on a jaunt to visit family or friends, as people would occasionally send me airline tickets and ask me to come visit. Because of Rick’s willingness to do that, I have been able to visit my son, who’s in the Air Force, twice when he was in Germany and once in California;

I flew to Colorado to visit my oldest son and his family a few years ago, and to Arizona to visit my dear friend, Angela, last spring. Rick is my “double hero” when he voluntarily leaves his comfort zone so that I might experience a new level of fun and excitement.

The most amazing thing about Rick is that, no matter what happens to him, he always seems to be able to show real love to others. It has been such a privilege to be his wife! In the early years of our marriage, when I was being daily amazed at his capabilities and at the level of care and concern that he had for others, I would compliment him often and teasingly tell him:

“I wish I could share you with the whole world!”

And now, thanks to the editors of the Valley Bugler allowing me to write this column for the past seven years, I guess I have!

Paddy lives in Silverlake with her husband, Rick and their delightful crew of furry critters, namely Pumpkin and Patches. Comments are welcome to her @ 274-5231