The Lighter Side

Orange

The professor of a contract law class asked, “If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”

A student said, “Here’s an orange.”

“No!” the outraged professor said. “Think like a lawyer!”

“Okay, I’d say, ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, right, claim, title, and advantages of and in, said orange, together with its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat the same or give the same away, with or without the pulp, juice, rind or seeds, herein before or hereinafter or in any deed or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding …’”

Dirty magazines

A Marine husband called home to tell his wife he would be late. He said dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad.

She launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at their previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something so trivial.

The husband calmly listened to her gripes and then explained, “Dirty magazines: The clips from their rifles had not been cleaned.”

New ticket technology

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.

Chief is at a wedding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say,”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”