Chip’s Chat – January 2009

How does a dog stop a DVD player?
She hits the “paws” button.

Why aren’t dogs’ good dancers?
They have two left feet.

Why do dogs wag their tails?
Because nobody will do it for them.

Which side of a dog has more hair?
The outside.

Why wouldn’t the dog speak to its foot?
Because you don’t talk back to your “paw.”

How can you tell if a dog isn’t too smart?
It chases parked cars.

If the inside of a hydrant has H2O, what does the outside of a hydrant have?
K9P

REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A DOG:

• At worst you take a bath once a week, and even then somebody else does all the work.
• If it itches, you can reach it, and no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.
• April 15th means nothing to you.
• No one gets mad if you fall asleep while they’re talking.
• Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch or drinks or anything.
• You’re always excited to see the same old people.
• Who needs a big home entertainment system?  A bone or old shoe can entertain you for hours.
• People think you’re normal if you stick your head out the window of moving car.
• If you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.

Junkyard Dogs

A man drove into a junkyard looking for parts for his old pickup.  As he approached the office he couldn’t help noticing that two Dobermans stepped out of their doghouses at the corner of the building.  He was getting pretty nervous until the proprietor hollered, “Rolex.  Timex.  Lie down.”  The dogs promptly dropped to the ground.

“Very well-behaved dogs,” the man complimented the proprietor, “But very unusual names.”

“What’s your problem?  Makes total sense,” the proprietor replied.

“They’re watch dogs.”