‘What should you NOT say to a pregnant woman?’
August 1, 2008 by Valley Bugler
Editor’s Note: We decided to start a fun column, called ‘Question of the Month Answered Here’. The first question was posted online at www.babycenter.com and also to our eMail list to get this started.
You can take over from here, and be sure to check out the question at the end of this article for next month’s ‘Question of the Month’!
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I posed this question because there are too many times that I have thought to myself about a comment made, “They should never say that to a pregnant lady!”
So, here are some tips and pointers on what to stay away from as you encounter a pregnant woman, then you will read some of thoughts and comments from our readers on this Question of the Month.
Tips for a positive encounter with a pregnant woman:
- Pregnant women are incredibly hormonal and bruise easily – treat with care.
- If you don’t know for sure if she is pregnant, then don’t say anything about it. Let her bring it up! (Phil agrees)
- Comment on how great she is looking.
- Mention that you love her outfit.
- Ask when she is due, but don’t express shock if the date wasn’t what you were expecting…
- Stick to positive, neutral zone comments and questions. Stay away from “twins, triplets and names”.
- If you have a different opinion on the: baby’s name, baby’s sex, pregnancy weight or size, keep it to yourself.
- Let the mother talk, and you do most of the listening. Don’t dole out advice unless asked.
- Stay away from scary labor stories. Please. No, really. PLEASE.
So, with those in mind, let’s hear from some of our readers that have had some less than pleasant experiences with some conversations, and maybe we can all be mindful of what to “steer clear of” during a conversation with a pregnant woman!
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‘People are very inquisitive and think nothing of asking you incredibly personal questions to which they also reply with incredibly rude comments! I have stopped telling people what my top 3 names are for my baby who is due in December (we find out the gender next week so we have a boy and girl list going right now). The most recent comment from my husband’s mother was, “Oh I knew someone named that….she was a whore.” Great! So now, if I want to name my child that I’ll be thinking that my mother-in-law relates her grandchild to a whore.
I’ve also gotten all kinds of other comments on names, “I hate that”, “that is ugly”, “what a horrible name”, “my guinepig, dog, cat, or someone else’s dog, guineapig, cat was named that”.
- Leanna D., MA
‘This is the conversation I had with my Father-in-law the other day:
(My sister-in-law is pregnant with me, but is very small – about 100lbs)
FIL: “How far along are you again?”
ME: “I’m 17 weeks. Sandy is exactly 7 weeks ahead of me.”
FIL “I hadn’t realized you were that close together.”
ME: “Yup. It’s going to be so cool – when the babies are born there will be basically NO difference between them. They will be the same age, be in the same class in the same school.”
FIL: “Yeah, but your child will be much bigger than Sandy’s”
ME: “WHY???”
FIL: “Well because she’s so little”
- Susan A., NJ
This is my 5th pregnancy, so I hear a lot of comments!
“Well do you know what causes pregnancy?”
“After this baby you really need to have the problem fixed”
“Wow, you have that many kids?”
“Are you Catholic?”
“Oh my Gosh, what are you going to do?”
“Are you kidding me?”
- Christa W., PA
‘While pregnant with my first, I gave my sister a baby shower. One of her guests was this old grandma type who apparently thought that she didn’t have to be tactful anymore actually asked me. “Oh, and do you know who the father is?”
Yes, in fact, I’d like you to meet my HUSBAND!!!
Also while pregnant with my first a girl I knew in college grabbed the rootbeer I was enjoying, and yelled at me that “carbonation in soda will give fetuses the bends!”
While announcing I was pregnant with my first, second, third, and now fourth I heard, “Well if you want to be a baby factory, I guess that’s your choice.” from my father!’
- Brenda N., online
‘I once got, “either you are pregnant or you are putting on a little weight.”
- Laurel M., WA
‘So at 17 weeks I’m still trying to squeeze into my pre-pregnancy clothes. The other day my husband thought he was hilarious when he asked me:
“Do you want me to make a few relief cuts in your shorts?”
Real funny. Looking back I have to laugh, but at the time I wanted to slug him. LOL’
- Jessica C., MD
After trying to hit on me repeatedly and finding out I was married and pregnant a man says: “Eww, how long have you had THAT problem?”
Crystal W., HI
I am 8 months and during the entire time the only thing that really bothered me was when people would tell me “it only gets worse” like I was complaining or something. I wish that all those people wouldn’t be like that and appreciate the beauty of a child growing. I understand it’s a life time of constant, but I have a much better look at this than “it only gets worse.”
- Jamie L., WA
‘I work in a restaurant (everyone knows I’m pregnant) at night and usually on my way from day job to night job I get something to eat (so I don’t pass out while working lol).
I was sitting at the table eating my food and my general manager was sitting there and my other store manager walked up and said “Geeze Ashley everytime I see you, you are eating” – he was totally joking with me.
I was like “Duh I’m pregnant” and my general manager looks at me and says “Oh your still pregnant, I thought you had a miscarriage or something”.
I was at a lost for words!’
- Ashley Newby, FL
‘I was walking into Fred Meyer with a toddler in the cart, and two children older walking beside the cart. An older man was coming the other way and said, “STOP!! You have THREE!” I came out from behind my cart and pointed to my pregnant belly and said, “No, I have four. And I am just fine, thank you very much.” Smile.
Another one: Upon finding out that I was having my fourth child, someone at church said, “This is your last one, right?” She said it in front of a large crowd of people. Like, I’m not sure how that became anyone else’s business? Or, what my neighbor said when he heard we had just lost our fifth baby to an ectopic pregnancy. “Was that planned or what?”
(He meant the pregnancy) Huh?! Didn’t know that was neighborhood business either.’
- Kris Mays, OR
AND THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE…..
‘When I was about 7 months pregnant with my daughter, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The manager (a woman) was walking around to check on everyone and stopped at our table. Then conversation went like this:
Manager: Oh, you are expecting! Congratulations.
Me: Thank you.
Manager: You must be having a girl.
Me: Yes, actually I am. How did you know?
Manager: Well, there is an old wive’s tale that little girls steal their mother’s beauty during pregnancy.
I just sat silent and in shock!’
- Nicole B., WI
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NEXT QUESTION OF THE MONTH: ‘What is your most embarassing Back to School story?’
Include a brief answer, your name and state of residence.
Send in your answers to the following eMail: editor@valleybugler.com with the “Question of the Month” in the subject line. Or, mail them in to: 705 Vandercoook Way, Longview WA 98632 by August 20th.
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